Monday, January 18, 2010

Until Today!

Last night I was up at Starbucks studying for this dreaded GRE - I mean, seriously, who makes this stuff up??? Do they not have anything else to do with their time and lives?? Does it really matter if I know how to calculate the 3rd side of a triangle, the slope of the tangent that goes through the center of a circle, how about the following definitions of these words intransigence, lassitude, obduracy, peccadillo, I mean I could go on and on but I digress! I'm sure I could dedicate a whole post to how I feel about the GRE but that's not the point of this post or at least not the whole point.


So, after an exhausting weekend of shooting 5 homes, studying, dealing with Avery being a little run-down, watching the Cowboys lose their chance at the Super Bowl once again (oh who am I kidding - you guys know I don't care about that kind of thing, but I had to throw it in to keep you on your toes!) Tim was so kind to put Avery to bed and I ran up to our local Starbucks to get some serious studying done. See, I was going to go to the library but come to find out that all the libraries around here close at 5:00 on Sundays, 6:00 on Fri/Sat and 9:00 on the weekdays. And, they don't open until 10:00 everyday except Sunday's at 1:00 - when do the kids get any of their studying done around here?? I thought we lived in a metropolitan city not some podunk everything closes at 8:00 town!! Once again I digress!


After almost 2 hours of some serious studying I drove home bleary-eyed and got to thinking...am I sure this is what I should be doing right now?? Should I put it off again?? Not just because I have to take the GRE, but going back to school to get my Masters is a big endeavor. Am I ready for this leap with everything else that is going on in my life right now?? Poor Tim got bombarded with all these questions when I got home and then I remembered this book that I bought years ago that somehow is still in my nightstand. I don't know what prompted me to buy this book - I'm not the type to buy self-help books (not that I have anything against them, I just normally read something more entertaining).


The book is called Until Today! Daily Devotions for Spiritual Growth and Peace of Mind. Every day of the year is represented in the book so you can use it forever - kind of like one of those daily calendars that gives you a message. I turned to January 17 and this is what it said -


"Life will work for me when I realize...I cannot break through until I have a breakdown!" It went on to talk about how "Each of us must face a moment in our lives called "the breakdown moment". When you stand toe to toe with the thing you have been trying to avoid and will do anything to get away from it. In that moment, when there is nothing standing between you and the thing you fear most, you will be forced to step into greatness, because that is what life is demanding of you. Until today, you may not have realized that you are totally able, perfectly prepared, fully capable of doing the very thing you have convinced yourself you could not do. Just for today, be devoted to doing just one thing that will help to convice you."


Oh my goodness, I just could not believe that out of 365 days of this book, this was today's daily devotion! Isn't it crazy how life works sometimes! Why of all days to even look in this book which I haven't opened for years would it be that this day would mirror exactly what I was feeling and give me the encouragement I needed to continue on with my decision. It could have been the next day, 2 weeks from now but at that moment everything fell into place. I was so excited I made Tim read it and then I looked at him and told him that this was the affirmation I was looking for and obviously it was meant to be.

So, I'm going to keep on studying and I'm looking forward to my 1st day of Graduate school next week. I'll take the GRE the following Monday and then it's back to my "Normal" life but there really is no such thing as a "Normal" life is there - that's what makes Life so Interesting!!

1 comment:

Cortney said...

i am so proud of you, jules~

love and miss you-
cort